The Waves of Anxiety

Anxiety and panic attacks can feel like waves washing through your body, there is a build up of smaller waves as the set forms, you feel the sensations and tension building in your body and then the big one approaches. The sheer volume of it, looks scary, you can feel the tension and fear gripping your body but you have a decision to make are you going to let the wave crash down on you and spin you through the water tossing and turning you, almost drowning you or are you going to get your surfboard out and ride that beast! Moving smoothly with the water, turning and gliding as the wave flows towards shore and breaks into calm.

An Anxiety Attack That Came Out of Nowhere

I’m lying here on the eve of my 44th birthday having an anxiety attack.

It feels like this wave has come out of nowhere. My body has that familiar buzzy sensation that comes with anxiety. If you’ve never felt it, it’s like your body is vibrating with a cold liquid running through it. You feel as if you are shaking and trembling from the inside out. My chest feels tight, like I’m not getting enough breath, like my heart could explode at any moment. You feel your body start to tense up as you start to question what is going on?

Why is this happening again now?
I’ve been doing so well lately.
I thought I was recovering.
I thought I was over this.

The Anxiety Thought Spiral

I find myself asking

What have I done today to bring this on? Why does this keep happening?

As I lay there I noticed myself starting to spiral and, for the first time, I managed to rein it in. I caught the negative thoughts before they built up a head of steam.

I started to write myself some notes to gently remind myself how far I’ve come in the last year. How much I’ve achieved and what I've overcome. It my sound insignificant to many but for me these are all milestones on the journey to recovery.

• I’m walking on my own for at least half an hour a day now without anxious thoughts consuming the entire walk, less sensations and no real fear.

• I’m talking to people again, communicating properly on the phone, and it feels like my mind is working clearly again for longer periods. I feel like I have some of my sharpness back.

• I’m working on some new project ideas while dealing with life’s challenges at the same time, things I couldn’t even dream of doing this time last year.

• I even managed to drive again on my own today to the supermarket.That feels like I'm getting some independence back and another step on the road to recovery. Not long ago I couldn't even walk to the shops without having a panic attack.

Anxiety Pattern Interrupts That Help Calm My Nervous System

So instead of beating myself up for feeling like this, I’m congratulating myself for catching it. I’m congratulating myself for putting into practice everything I’ve learned and riding the wave of anxiety instead of swimming against it.

• Breaking the pattern by screaming into a pillow and releasing the stress.

• Clenching my fingers tightly into a ball and curling my feet and toes tightly for 5 seconds and then repeating a few times to release the stored tension and close the stress circuit.

• Gently humming to myself to signal calm to my nervous system.

• Changing my focus from the sensations in my body to something creative like writing this blog.

Letting the Anxiety Wave Pass

Slowly, the wave begins to pass.The chest begins to loosen, the buzzing subsides and I let out a sigh signalling my body is dropping back into a restive state.

I can feel myself coming back into my body. Back into my mind. The shift from panic to calm.

Journalling. and turning this moment into a blog, has helped.

And that’s another wave of anxiety ridden…

Remember the only way out is through.