After suffering my first panic attack and subsequent ones my mind and body went into shut down I developed severe anxiety, panic disorder and agorphobia and was unable to leave the house for 5 months. As I was struggling to come to terms with my condition and find a way to recover I decided that sharing what I was going through with my loved ones and those closest to me may be a good way to help me get through it. I decided to share a video to facebook of how I was feeling at the time and what I was going through.

The video above is me starting to come to terms with my diagnosis and taking the first steps to recovery. I first posted this video a year ago in November of 2024 and listening to it back I realise how far I've come. After posting the video I actually became a lot worse and really struggled for about 4 or 5 months, unable to eat and speak, could hardly leave the house and went into complete shutdown. It took me a while to learn and discover how to start healing properly of which I will blog more about over the coming weeks and months but for now here is my first video.

Below is the transcript of the video for those of you who prefer to read, but comes with a disclaimer that I got ChatGPT to transcribe it for me so some of what I say in the video has been abbreviated and shortened slightly but the main gist of what I say in the video is there.

Going forward the blogs will be in my own words and not that of chatgpt.

Full Transcript – Anxiety Recovery Journey

So, I don’t know if I’m going to share this on social media, but if I decide to later on, hi everyone,
I just wanted to share where I am in my journey.

For those of you that know me personally and have known me for a while, you know that I’m usually a very confident, outgoing person. I’ve always felt confident, I’ve always been outgoing, and I’ve had quite good success in my life, but the last six to eight months have been some of the hardest and most difficult times I’ve ever experienced.

Eight months ago, when this all started, I had no idea what was going on with me. I was in the gym one day, working out like I normally do, and I suddenly started to feel this ache. My body wasn’t working properly, I felt off balance, uneasy, and then I started to panic. I dropped the weights and just had this urge to get out of the gym.

I had no idea what was happening. I went into a state of panic, completely uncomfortable in my own body and my own skin. I had to call someone to come and pick me up. After that, I felt okay and didn’t think much of it, but the same thing started happening again when I tried to run or go back to the gym. I kept getting these strange sensations, feeling like something was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure it out.

Then one day I was in the cinema on my own, and it happened again, feelings of dread, my heart rate shooting up, strange sensations in my body that I’d never felt before. I had to leave the film and sit in the car, completely panicking.

Over time, these feelings became more frequent. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt disoriented, unfocused, scared that something serious was wrong with me.

Then one day I was driving by myself and that same feeling came over me, a rush of warmth through my body, and I went into full panic. I pulled over to the side of the road and couldn’t calm myself down no matter what I did. I had to call my brother and sister to come and pick me up. We sat on the side of the road for two hours while I was completely freaking out. My heart was racing, I felt dizzy, disoriented, confused, I honestly thought I was dying.

After that, I didn’t feel right for days. I thought going for a walk might help, but two minutes into the walk, I started to slur my words, felt dizzy and confused, like I was going to collapse. I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack.

I called an ambulance. It took 45 minutes to arrive, and the questions they asked actually made me feel worse, like they were confirming I was having a heart attack. When the paramedics arrived, they checked everything, my heart was fine. I just had high blood pressure from panic.

I was taken to hospital and stayed for three days, where they diagnosed me with severe anxiety. At the time, I didn’t understand what that even meant. I didn’t know what anxiety really was.

They wanted to put me on medication, but those who know me know I’m not someone who likes to take meds. So I started researching everything I could about anxiety, because I didn’t see myself as an anxious person.

But the truth is, for the past four or five years, I’ve been through a lot of stress. I won’t go into the details, but a lot of personal things have happened that built up over time and eventually pushed me into this anxious state.

It got so bad that I couldn’t even leave the house. I’d walk 50 metres down the road and feel like I was going to collapse.

I started isolating myself. I couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t even sit at the dinner table with my family. I’d go into panic for no reason and couldn’t understand why.

As I started learning about anxiety and stress, I began to realise the difference between being anxious and having anxiety. I’ve never been a naturally anxious person, I’m outgoing and confident, so I couldn’t understand why my body was reacting this way.

When I started feeling a bit better, I tried going swimming again. I’ve been a swimming coach for over 20 years, but I couldn’t even get into the water. I’d stand there frozen, unable to move.

So I started doing everything I could to understand and overcome anxiety, daily Tai Chi, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, grounding, and relaxation techniques. Gradually, these things have helped me start calming my nervous system down.

After years of constant stress, my body got stuck in fight or flight mode, everything, even normal things like eating or walking, would trigger a panic response.

But slowly, I’ve started to rebuild myself. I’ve begun going out again, socialising, and seeing friends. Just a few weeks ago, I went to watch my brother and the lads play football, the first time in months I’d been back out on a pitch.

The referee said, “Where have you been? Haven’t seen you in ages!” I told him what had been happening, and he said his brother had suffered from anxiety too and couldn’t leave the house for two years. Hearing that really hit me. It made me realise I wasn’t alone, and that recovery is possible.

I’ve come such a long way. A few months ago, I couldn’t even leave the house. I’d get in the car and turn back. I couldn’t go anywhere on my own. But now, I’m managing to go out again, even if it’s just small steps at a time.

All of this, the Tai Chi, meditation, breathing, and mindfulness, has helped me begin retraining my nervous system.

This is a video that I made in the last few weeks. I hope that by sharing it, I can show that there is hope, that you can start to overcome this.

I’m not fully back to myself yet, but I’m making massive progress. I’ve had a couple of setbacks, but they’ve just taught me to keep going, and I will overcome it.

I wasn’t sure about sharing this, because I’ve been an emotional wreck at times, but hopefully someone out there who’s suffering will hear this and know they’re not alone.

Just start talking to people. Search online. There’s so much help out there, videos, people, communities, that can guide you through it.

If I do post this, I’ll include some of the daily routines that have helped me, Tai Chi, yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, ice baths followed by warm baths, and talking openly about how I feel with my family and close friends.

To everyone who’s helped me, you know who you are, thank you.

And to anyone watching this who feels alone, you’re not. There is hope.

All right, see you guys later.